Getting Out of the Swamp

Something I think we’ve all heard said about early parenthood — when your kids are little, you’re “in the trenches.” There are diapers to be changed, tantrums to be soothed, milestones to be observed and analyzed. There is not a lot of sleep. It’s easiest to put on auto pilot mode and just…get through it. Your ego will likely get bruised and your spirit may be broken a few times in the trenches, but as with wartime, it will be over at some point.

Those times were hard for me as a mom. It’s tough to be tired all the time and still manage to keep your life together. But I did get through it. And for a few years there was some reprieve in my parenting world. The kids weren’t little but they weren’t yet big, and home was calmer and I began to feel like a real human again. But as with most things in life, parenting cycles through phases and just when you’re comfortable, everything changes again.

At 37, I find myself in an odd predicament. My life is arguably the most stable it’s ever been and I’ve learned to lean into the things that work. It’s also the busiest it’s ever been. Between working full time and juggling two kids’ school and sports schedules, volunteering for teams or classrooms, and that dreaded task of coming up with dinner every night…well, let’s just say that there is not a lot of downtime.

If I’m so busy, though, why am I so bored?

While most of us come out of the trenches with our bodies still intact, I think something that often gets lost is our identity. That part of your soul that loves to paint, or finds joy in vintage thrifting. That part of you that lights up at a table surrounded by friends. That part of you that feels so full after a meaningful conversation with someone who understands you.

The kind of boredom that I’m feeling is the kind that tasks and distractions can’t fix. I feel mired down in dissatisfaction, stuck. On my way out of the trenches, I got stuck in a swamp, my identity just out of reach.

After a lot of thought on how I’m going to pull myself out of this muck, I’m reminded that my favorite way to remember who I am is through my connections with others. Bringing vulnerability and shared experiences to the table (or the internet in this case) is my attempt at creating community, or at least a place where some kinship can be found. Because life is hard and weird and sometimes it’s good to be reminded that someone feels the way that you do, and that you aren’t alone.

In an impersonal world, getting personal is the ultimate act of rebellion. So let’s rebel, remember who we are and get out of the swamp together. Welcome to the JakkiSays journey!