Buy the flowers

Today I put a sweater over the T-shirt stained with kimchi from the snack I scarfed down after furiously answering emails I was behind on, to go pick up my daughter from aftercare and managed to will myself to stop at Fresh Market on the way home. We needed fruit. We needed milk. I needed to feel like I was doing at least one thing right today.

And in Fresh Market fashion, the automatic doors at the entrance open directly into the flower section, hitting you with the aesthetic right from the beginning. Lydia’s eyes lit up and she pranced around ooh-ing and ahh-ing at the pretty colors and endless bouquets. I was drawn to these because they felt warm and inviting. And so we got them, and the purchase and the display made me smile. Life felt prettier.

I haven’t been feeling well lately. The hustle and bustle of life seems to be catching up to me. Going back into the office for work, even just a few days a week, is draining and I can’t seem to get used to it. Domestic burnout is wearing at me — cleaning the house, putting food in the fridge, checking homework, soothing feelings. Worrying. My body feels like a machine that I just run all day and put to sleep at night, ignoring the check engine light that is flashing at me. I’m trying to be conscious and rest but really I just feel withdrawn and gray, unable to enjoy experiences that normally make me feel at ease.

I know that I’m not the only one. The whirlwind and constant change of the past two years have sent many into cycles of extreme feelings that are hard to manage. They make us feel worn and old. I try to remind myself that I have been through these kinds of seasons of life before and that they do pass. The sun will shine through the cracks in the blinds and a new season will arrive. But for now, I’m just tired.

Flowers don’t solve problems. But they can bring a smile, and today that was just what I needed. So if you see them, and they’re beautiful and your eyes light up like Lydia’s, buy the flowers.